Friday, January 15, 2010

"I keep trying to lose weight... but it keeps finding me!"


Today at Kelly’s Korner, the Show Us Your Life topic is weight loss secrets/tips/etc…

I’m really not going to blog about that. If you need to know why, just take a look at me lately… definitely not one to be giving tips. I will say for the most part however that I have struggled with my weight all my life. I guess I started gaining around 4th grade and it has always been an ongoing battle. As I mentioned in a prior post, my depression has also played a factor not only in the past year alone, but the past several. So much in fact… that I quit caring. I hate that about myself. Nonetheless it is who I am, for now.

I talk about it a lot with Chris, which he hates. Primarily because in the context of talking about it I am very negative and as he says, “put myself down a lot.” Thing is, I know (sort of) what works for me. Well, until a certain point when the losing stops. The summer before 9th grade, my mom paid for me to go to Jenny Craig for a few months and I lost close to 50 lbs. in that short time. I ate their food, I measured everything, and I walked for an hour daily in the scorching Texas heat. I kept it off until JV Drill Team ended and then it packed on again. Thing is, for the most part, while I was “heavy” I was toned. Being 5’7” usually helped too. Now, at 25, I am no longer toned. I know it will only get worse.

Hopefully with my new job… (Yes! That is my announcement! February 1st, I will be the secretary for our church. I am so excited!) I will have the time to walk and work out more. I told Chris the other day it will be good that I get off earlier and can workout to videos in the living room without him watching me. Sweatin’ to the Oldies anyone? Ha! I’ll also be cooking at home again- which I love to do, but we always get home so late. Fast food every night can really add to the fat factor. I used to love to do crunches. Seriously, I LOVED it.

For me, it is cutting out carbs. Lowering my “sweet” intake and mainly, sodas. It’s not going back for seconds and cutting down my portions. It’s exercising. We also plan to get harnesses for the dogs, so we can walk them together by the lake. That’ll be good for us. I actually love to workout. I want an elliptical so bad. We can’t really afford a gym membership right now though, so I can make do.

Basically, without any promises to myself or someone else, it is time for a change. It is time to get out of my rut. I’ve said it before and while I don’t have “high hopes” for myself (because I know how I am and don’t want a let down) I do hope I can be more cautious about it. Two reasons really. The first, the obvious health reasons. I know as I age it will only get harder and will continue to do more and more damage to my body. With my dooming family history of heart disease, diabetes, arthritis, etc… on both sides, I also need to lower my risk if I can. Also, losing will perhaps help in the baby department and my PCOS- if and when we decide it is time to have a family. The second reason? Well, it is hard to define. I’m much more self conscious that I realize most the time. I never feel sexy for Chris (though he tells me all the time, I am.)- but I’m young, you know? I’m very aware of my over-weight-ness around others too. I want some of the cuter clothes and I don’t want to allow myself to get ANY bigger. Maybe I’m vain…

About a year ago, my mom and grandmother and I were watching some show on TV and they made a comment about how skimpy the girls were dressed. I jokingly told them then, “if I ever get that thin, I’ll walk around with as little as possible, just be warned.” When they asked why… I told them I earned it. I was joking of course. Thing is though, I have been the way I am for so long… a change would be really nice. When I told Chris my goal weight once, he got angry and said it was too thin. So I figure I’ll take baby steps and go from there. I know several websites too that can “hold you accountable”. We’ll see how it goes. Maybe that’s a small “non-resolution”?

FYI- my father is being released soon! His surgery went well yesterday and I hope his recovery goes quickly! Thank you for any prayers you sent our way. Okay, I wrote enough for initially stating I wasn’t going to even blog about this. Oh well! Until next time…

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Lord, give us strength....

Not much has been going on. What started out as an extremely stressful week has slowly wound down. While very busy, the magnitude of stress is lifted. Amen to that!

I come mainly today for two reasons.

The first, for you to say a prayer for my dad. He’ll be having back surgery tomorrow and I just hope all goes smoothly and it truly helps him.

Secondly I want to urge you to pray for the people of Haiti. The earthquake has caused unimaginable devastation. Pray for those lost in the rubble, the families searching for loved ones, the leaders and volunteers, the hospitals and crews. Pray for the injured, the young and old. I’m posting a photo that I found on I saw it earlier today and I have thought of this man numerous times throughout. While it isn’t graphic, it is heart wrenching. Look into his eyes. Look at the anguish on his face. He’s carrying his daughter, found in the rubble. She sadly, did not make it.

I’ll never know the name of this man, but I surely, will long remember his face.

Look long and hard at him and really, truly pray for the people of Haiti. Pray for our world. While neither of our sponsored children lived in Haiti, many children did. Go to to read up what they are trying to do and donate if you see fit. Remember, a few dollars to us can mean the world to them.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Resolving not... to make a "resolution".

New Years Resolutions.
Hm. Not necessarily sure that I have any. I’ve found, that if I place something in the ‘resolution’ category… it is much worse when I don’t actually do it than if it is just something I hoped or planned to do in the coming year. Less accountability I guess. Nonetheless, there are things I would like to do and change this year. So let the list begin- it’s the first Friday of 2010 for Kelly’s Korner Show Us How You Live.

1. I want to change pace. I want to become a little more selfish. Translation? I want to get back to the things that are important to me and those I love. Work less, worry less. I hope this year will be a year I can overcome my depression more often than not. I want to be in control. I hope to help out more with my grandmother, for my dad (and truth be told, for me too). I want to visit people again. I want to travel to see family. I want to make others the priority and not the “obligations” we felt sometimes in 2009.

2. I want to date. I want to get back to Chris and Erika. This past year has been difficult on both of us, for many reasons. We’ve gotten in ruts. We’ve been on edge. We’ve been annoyed or angry or hurt or stressed. Problem was, we allowed, in some ways- our marriage to, for a lack of better words, suffer. Now, we always loved one another… that never changed. But it wasn’t fully ‘us’ either. Christmas, though stressful, was mostly good this year. It was good for us. And so far, has been since. I welcome it back.

3. I want to serve more. I want to get back to actually attending church 98% of Sundays. I really got bad this fall and have missed much more than I would like. I want to write my CCF and Compassion kids and teach them, and their families, about how wonderful our Lord is! I want to donate to more organizations I am passionate about. I want to simply help my mom or my dad, my grandmothers. A neighbor. My husband. A friend. I want to honor my Paw Paw by actually going to visit his grave, maybe ‘talk’ to him some. I want to talk with God more. Not half asleep either. Not just the many ‘breath’ prayers I say throughout the day. But sit down and TALK with God. He already knows me better than anyone ever could… shouldn’t I strive to at least meet Him half way?

4. Organize my life. Remember to send a birthday card or an anniversary card. Save up for an unexpected expense. Pay off debt. Go back to school. Be happy with my job. Work in my yard and not kill my plants. Learn something new. Play with the dogs, take them for walks. Fit in time for fun and only THINK about fun at that time, not “what I should be doing”. Sleep better. Praise more.

So maybe I don't have a resolution pinpointed per say. I just figure if I can do some of the above, it'll better my life in more ways than I could ever imagine, and maybe others' too. Can I just say one thing? 2010 and the above…. Are getting off to a wonderful start. I really can’t reveal much more than that right now. But rest assured, I will be spreading the good news when the time comes. I’m excited, I’m anxious, I’m nervous, I’m overjoyed. And no, I am not pregnant.

In other news, being an Aggie fan… I am against t.u. (or UT) as much as possible. Even if I try not to be that way… I am. So I was excited about the win for Alabama last night. Roll tide! I do feel bad they lost McCoy though so soon in the game. Nonetheless, we watched it last night with a fire in the fireplace, pizza and cheese bread, and a few dogs curled up on the couches. Good evening, all in all. I went to bed at 10:30 though- I’ve been exhausted lately!

That’s it. I’m out. Probably no updates this weekend, so I hope everyone has a good one. Stay warm… I can’t get over how cold it has been here in DFW! But I really, truly… LOVE it.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Should old acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind?

My first post of 2010! Wow… 2010? Is it possible? A fresh start as some may say. While I don’t necessarily have “high hopes” for the upcoming year… I can imagine it will throw curve balls my way. Lots of highs, lots of lows. Such is life, huh? I do know one thing though… I can and will control some of it. Looking back, 2009 was somewhat a year of me… not being in control. I hope to change that. Maybe that is my only resolution. What is that saying? “I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul.” Well, ah-hoy matey… bring on 2010, I’m ready to face it head on!

2-0-0-9 : A year in (short) review.

Our resolution as a couple last year was to find a church home. We began the first Sunday of the year. We’d been to this church a few times before and while I initially felt we still needed to “shop around”- it didn’t take long until we knew God led us to our family. We’ve made many new friends along the way… FCC Rowlett has been such an incredible blessing this past year.

Sadly, soon after, we faced the loss of a dear friend, Travis Spence. We spent a week in Shreveport with his wife, facing the loss of a wonderful man and faithful Christian. Chris never really had a true grandfather growing up and I think he filled that void for him. For me, it resembled my own Paw Paw, who I lost in 2002 and filled an empty space in my heart as well. I know he was ready to go Home but he is missed greatly.

Chris found his niche right away with the youth program. Soon after, he was installed as ‘Director of Youth Ministries’. I have never been so proud of him. As I stood in the front of our congregation, holding his hand, in front of our families- my heart beamed with pride and a whole new level of love and respect for him.

I accepted a new position at my job. If nothing else, it has been a huge learning experience for me. Lots of stress, I’ve learned numerous things- both job related and about myself. Unlike my few other jobs I have had… I will have been with this company for two years in February. A personal record for me.

My best friend got married. I was privileged to be her Matron of Honor and stand beside her, just as she stood by me.

We finally got our own place again. I’d forgotten what it was like to actually be alone with my husband. I enjoy coming home to MY home. Decorating MY home. It’s been wonderful. While it wasn’t what I ‘had in mind’ from the start… it’s been a perfect fit for us.

I’ve dealt a lot with my depression. It comes and goes, but I can honestly say my lows have been at their all time lowest this year. Struggling with my depression has been difficult, but for the most part, I have learned to lean on my faith to get me through it.

Whether they know it or not, this year made me think a lot about my parents and family. What they truly mean to me, and really, how much admiration I have for them. Maybe it is a growing older thing (and while we are on the subject, Chris and I both turned 25 this year, blech!) but I really can’t imagine a life without them. Sure they upset me or make me mad, but overall, I have been so abundantly blessed with the family and parents I have in my life. I am so grateful.

I became a “mommy” again! We now have Duke and Moondoggie who bring me such joy! There is nothing like a fuzz ball or two greeting you at the door, so excited to see you. It can make anyone’s day! Pre-Moondoggie, I did lose my Little Lexi pup. After a week of having her, she suddenly got very ill and passed away. This completely tore my heart up and I still think about that little girl.

I’ll follow this post up next Friday- when I begin the Show Us Your Life blogs. First up? New Years Resolutions. Have I mentioned I am long winded? Get used to it… it’s a habit!