Thursday, September 13, 2012

My Pinstrosity

I love Pinterest. I have so many things that I “save for later” and have every intention of doing, but this thing called life gets in the way. (Unless lazy swoops in first. Lazy always wins.) I’ve seen this “edible glitter” posted 3297346594 times and even have it saved in one of my folders. I had dreams of all the sparkly creations I could make… boring old cupcake? Put some glitter on it, homemade, and cheap!

There’s few things in life that could compare to the glory of having a cupcake covered in shimmery goodness. I’ve never been one for patience, so all the cute little swirls and swoops and dollops you commonly see as icing -pretty much turn into one giant blob for me. It eats the same, right? But with glitter, you wouldn’t even care. Because… shiny.

So the most common post (and the one I had pinned) came with these instructions:

I figured this was easy enough and promptly began mixing furiously. I had a few minutes before I needed to leave the house again and thought, I could make this and save it, for later. Oh, wait… I bake it, but at what temperature? I click on the photo and it takes me to the originating link. After looking for a bit, I find the instructions:

Oh, 350 degrees, I could have guessed. Wait… what was that? In case you missed it, let me highlight the three important differences you should have noticed.

  • ·        Non Toxic, huh? Well that’s a good thing if I’m going to eat it…
  • ·        Salt? SALT?!?! No, no, no… the pin said sugar. Salt would taste awful on a cupcake.
  • ·        Crafts? Glue? What the…? What about my tasty treats?

So I assume someone must have tried it, because the internet doesn’t lie, and sugar must have worked just as well. I mean, there are photos after all. This is entirely too easy, couldn’t mess it up, surely…Nonetheless, I decide I should try a batch with the salt too, just in case. I figured if anything, it’d probably be cheaper than buying actual glitter in a store and maybe I could get glitzy at my next Cinco de Mayo. I set the timer and wait.

I smell something a little weird, but figured something was probably in the bottom of my oven. I also rarely use my oven, so it could have been like that smell when you turn the heat on for the first time all year… the awakening smell that is necessary, but awful?

I put the oven mitts on and open the door! Huh? What just happened?

The salt literally looks like sand. You know the sand art projects we did back in the 90’s? (I loved those, until you carried it home to your dad for Father’s Day in a bag and all the colors mixed together.) That’s what this was. The sugar, started to melt and get sticky… like I was making a candy on the stove. The rest of it was just… clumpy. 

I realize it’s almost time to leave again, so I just look at it for awhile, swirly the sugar around with a fork. Sugar is naturally shiny, so as it cools a bit, it looks like blue sugar, slight shine- which would work I guess. What about that smell? It was obviously the sugar caramelizing, I wonder if it still tastes okay?

…yeah, it was still hot. Hot, hot, hot. I spit it out, not sure if it still tasted okay because my taste buds are seared off now. I walk away… defeated. 

Going through Pinterest again once we got home last night (because I’m addicted), someone else had pinned this idea, but with different instructions:

I like how there are several options listed… like whoever wrote this one, tried the oven thing too and thought, “one of these has to work, do them all!” Maybe one will… 

I’m sure if you simply added food coloring to sugar, you’d get an ‘effect’, but I still wouldn’t get your hopes up on it looking like the photos. For that caliber glitter-ness, I’d assume you’d need to pay a visit to the decorating aisle at your local Hobby Lobby.

Don’t know until you try… right? 

…unless you wanted colored sand… then I’ve got that one down. Win?

UPDATED: My failure is now a MEME, for your viewing pleasure!