Thursday, April 19, 2012


Every Wednesday night, while Chris does Youth Group at the church, I go hang out with my parents for our weekly dinner. I look forward to this every week. We usually go to El Chico, which I know is totally NOT Mexican Food, since it’s all Americanized, but I absolutely love it. My dad likes it purely because of the relish dish (because apparently we can’t mix a bowl of onions, carrots, and jalapenos at home.)

Last night we got home and I was trying to show my mother how to use Pinterest… and by “show my mother how to use Pinterest”, I really mean “facepalmed my way through the evening because holy crap when did she become so technologically slow.

(My mom was always the one fixing things when I would mess up something on the computer or typing my papers in school because I couldn’t type more than a few words an minute hour.)

(Fact: If it had not been for the discovery of AIM, AOL instant messenger, in high school, I seriously would still be hunting and pecking right now. All those typing classes we were required to take didn’t do one bit of good. Nothing gets you going like a typing war with a random stranger about something really stupid (now) but was so profound at the age of 14 that you had to hurry up and get your opinion out there [because you saw “Someone99 is now typing…”] and wanted to ‘let them have it’ before they hit send. Which was always fun because when you managed to send it before they finished, the “now typing” would go away, then come back a few times… which only meant that they had to delete what they were saying and start a new thought.)

Anyways, I really have absolutely no couth and my boob itched, so I reached on in, because I honestly thought she was way too engrossed in learning how to repin something than to notice.

Mom: “Are you just holding your breast?”

Me: “Um, no, mother… I had an itch, so I’m scratching it. Also I hate the word breast.”

Mom: “Ah.”

Me: “But maybe I should be holding it because I’ve got a major quadro-boob going on and need to buy a new bra. I’m literally spilling out over here. But only on the left side, because that one’s bigger.”

Mom: “I thought you just recently bought new boobs?”

Me: “Really? Boobs?”

Me: “Now you know why we never seem to have any money. I’ve been saving up.”

Dad (from his recliner): “We need the address of that doctor, go get our money back.”

[unsure if I should be grossed out, highly offended, or mad because he thinks I blew money on the boobs I did not buy and didn’t ask if there was some self esteem driven reason that I just had to have new boobs before I fixed my nose. Stupid nose. I hate it.]

Me: “Well, I sure hope that if I paid for new boobs they’d be a hell of a lot perkier than this.”

And then I promptly began gathering my things, because things were awkward.

Not really. It was just time to go because my mom goes to bed at like, 8:00, because somewhere down the line she turned into an old lady who really isn’t that old. Her computer freezes, because even though it was only 5 years ago they upgraded from DIALUP, the internet they have now may as well be CompuServe all over again. “Eh, forget it, I’m not messing with this thing tonight” she says. Then she sits back down and waits because “oops, but I didn’t log out.”

Me: “Um…. So?”

Mom: “Well then my account is just out there, open to whoever!”

Me: “Yeah not really and… who is going to hack into a Pinterest account?”

Mom: “Well you logged out earlier!”

Me: “Yes, yes I did. SO I COULD LOG YOU IN!”

Mom: “Oh that makes sense. So it’s okay then?”

Me: “No mom, you may want to be worried about the hacker who’ll repin a bunch of not-non-sew, chevron throw pillows in a color you don’t particularly like.”

Then I really did leave (to go find some nice 'homes' to put her in and because she tightened her lips and did this little head bob thing -that to me means “I should have murdered you as an infant” I love you so very much, daughter.


I received my copy of Let’s Pretend This Never Happened: (A Mostly True Memoir) by Jenny Lawson (aka TheBloggess) on Tuesday evening. I finished it last night and it was most definitely, one of the best books I have read in a long time. I don’t recommend it for over-holy people, but for those of us who understand that God has a sense of humor and doles it out -- He gave a good bit of it to Mrs. Lawson. I’ve been a fan of her blog for some time now and this was just what I needed! I highly recommend you go out and buy it RIGHT now and read it for yourself. Probably alone, because you will find yourself snorting from laughter most the way through. Unless you want people to ask what’s so funny and this would be a great, free marketing scheme in support of the book. Actually, read it in a crowd, that’s a better idea.

In it, she mentions something from her childhood that instantly made me pump my fist in the air, head down, like I was giving the 1968 Olympics Black Power salute. Bread. Sack. Shoes.

I got so excited because it is few and far between that I find someone who 1.) knows what in the hell I am talking about and 2.) will freely admit it.

When it would snow when I was little (which is not very often in Texas) my Bam Bam (grandmother) would bundle me up from head to toe. I’d have 564894161 socks on, cotton balls in my ears, with earmuffs, and a winter hat, a scarf that I am convinced may as well have been a poorly played murderer, and then when I was still barely able to move… out they came.

Freezer/Sandwich baggies and bread sacks.

A baggie would go over each mitten and secured tightly with a rubber band. Then used bread sacks would be placed over my feet. At that young age, I am sure I thought Mrs. Bairds was a shoe cover maker and not bread and donuts. Take that back. I totally knew it was a bread sack. Each of these, would also be secured tightly with rubber bands.

(Only picture I could find that was semi-close.)

I hated having these on, but there was no escaping it. If I wanted to go build a snowman (with the dirt and ¼ inch of snow on the ground)… there was no way I was going to get cold and wet. With all this trouble, the snowman was usually melted by 5 that evening (which coincidentally, is the same time the color started coming back into my hands and feet from the rubber bands.)

It’s just one of those things that is silly enough that some [unfortunate] people look at your like you are totally insane and maybe grew up ridiculously poor. (We weren’t rich, but weren’t poor either. I was spoiled.)

“Wait… you wore sacks… as your shoes?”

“No asshole, I wore them over my shoes so they didn’t get wet. Duh.”

(Aside from the circulation problems from the rubber bands, another downfall was how slippery those bags were. Thank goodness for those layers of clothing, or I surely would’ve had many a concussion.)

I’m always so shocked when someone doesn’t know about it. Kind of like when a person about my age (and grew up around Dallas) have no idea what or who Zoobilee Zoo and Mr. Peppermint were and instead talk about Power Rangers or Pokemon.

I want to kick those people in the shins.

This also made me really think long and hard about the fact that there is probably nothing you can think about, no weird quirk you may have, something you have done…. That someone else hasn’t done first.

Looking at one of my apps, iFunny, and Pinterest (and PostSecret before it was removed) there was always something that resonated with me. You know those things that make you say “ME TOO!!!” (like bread sack shoes.) It’s funny really and somewhat relieving to know someone out there is just a strange as you are.

Do a Google search of a quirk or question you feel is specific to only you. I can bet others have written about it first. It’s amazing just how many people actually look behind a shower curtain first, then are able to go pee. (And what would you do if you found one?) (I do. And I would probably pee myself.)

For me, I realized about a gazillion (exaggerated) other people sniff rubbing alcohol when they have a sinus headache. That’s me + a gazillion others killing brain cells, one sinus infection at a time.

I really could go on for days. Think about it. Seriously. It will blow your mind.

(What the heck was the guy doing who discovered you could milk a cow?)

Maybe I don’t want to know. But it’s fun to think about. What are some oddities you have that maybe aren’t quite as unique as you once thought?

Monday, April 16, 2012

Stoats may very well be my anti-depressant.

Ever had one of those days? For the past several years, more often than not... I find myself saying this over and over. I began recognizing my depression in high school Few and far between, I'd have these "funks." I usually chalked it up to the drama that surrounds school... friends, stress, schoolwork, parents, life. I was able to pull myself out of it within a fair amount of time. No big deal. Near the end of my senior year and in to my college year (not plural because I just went for one) it began to worsen. I cut myself frequently. Even that, I thought was maybe because I was seeking attention- since that's why so many people say about self injury.

Now married for six years and a decent amount of "life" thrown at me, I find myself in these funks for days, weeks, and months. I no longer pull myself out, maybe I forgot how. It doesn't mean I don't try. Sometimes it takes all I have to get out of bed, to do anything beyond sitting in the chair, staring at the TV (or at the wall). It takes great strength and courage just to answer a phone call.

Everyone says I need to go talk to someone about it. What do I talk about? I haven't had a bad life, no life trauma... am I just lazy and bratty? Some probably think so. It has begun to affect everything. They aren't kidding when commercials for antidepressants talk about the physical pain, not just the emotional. They aren't lying when they comment on how it ruins relationships. It's a very lonely feeling, really. A sense of hopelessness, of doubt, regret, and sadness. Depression overtakes everything in your life.

Every so often though, I am reminded that I am here for a reason. That I need to stay here. That I have talents, that I am not stupid or ugly. That people do like me and that I don't always need to wait for the bad to happen. I am reminded that I have a purpose in this world and that I am loved. I am reminded that while it may take awhile, there will absolutely be a better day.

...and I'm proud to say I've been reminded of this for a few weeks now. So for anyone else who deals with the same thing, just remember this:

Maybe one day, as a personal therapy, I will discuss it more. For now, I want to soak up being content and not hurting. I want to be reminded that yes, depression IS a lying bastard and it is very, very real. Soon, Chris and I will be looking into therapy. For me mostly, but also for him to understand what I am going through. To be able to cope himself and help me through it the best he can.

And, since I am in a happy mood I wanted to share something that I hope will make you happy too. When I first saw this, I thought "what is this creature?!?! I must have one!"

So I did some Google searches and discovered it was called a "stoat." Definition: Closely related to a weasel and freaking adorable. Ability to turn anyone's day fantastic. (Probably until it bites you.)

Baby stoat... because holy crap, I'm dying from the cuteness. Come to think of it, if this thing walked up to me and asked if it could gnaw off my left hand, took all the money in my wallet, and drove off in my car... I wouldn't care, because I was able to gaze into its' adorable face for any amount of time.

So on that note... if anyone wants to make all my dreams come true:

Buy me a stoat, like, now. Thanks in advance. I accept taxidermied ones too... because then I could put it in barbie clothes and display it proudly on my mantle (to which my husband will protest.)

(I don't care if he says no actually. He wants to put a stupid deer head on the wall. Why couldn't I have a stoat on the mantle? In the winter, I could put a little parka on it and call it Stoat in a Coat.)

(Which has a nice ring to it. Kind of Dr. Seuss-y.)

(Everyone likes Dr. Seuss.)

Saturday, April 14, 2012

I totally failed at Lent, as I am sure was evident from the lack of postings.

Nonetheless, I caved and broke the '40 days'... but funnily enough, I learned from it. I still drink sodas (and on some days, a lot more than I probably should) but I have slowed down some. I choose water or tea much more often, and if I've had a coke, I decide maybe I need something else. It also lost me about 15 pounds, which is nice! My jeans are a little looser and it's nice to randomnly step on a scale and see it stop, where it used to go right past.

During this time, we learned that Chris's grandmother had some medical issues following a procedure. Her body became very tired and sadly for us, she passed away. We drove to San Antonio the day they removed the machines and waited just a short time, until it was time for her to return Home. Her funeral was the following week and Chris wound up doing the entire service. He did very well and I know how very proud of him she would have been. I sure was proud to be his wife!

For Easter, I made several items that I had found on Pinterest. (I'm obsessed, I admit it.) They were all so fun to make and even cuter to look at!

Chocolate covered strawberries.... "carrots"
Festive Easter Deviled Eggs
Birds' Nest Treats-- sinfully yummy!

Then of course, we had to have an Easter Egg Hunt... in the rain! (I stayed on the porch because I've been oh-so-sick)...but it was really fun watching Caleb find all 40 eggs filled with Candy and some money too! The adults didn't have one like we did the past couple years. That's always hilarious!

We've also been busy working in the new house. We are in the process of moving into my grandmother's old home. There is still so much to do... garage sale, cleaning out and sorting, moving our stuff in and of course... making lots and lots of changes!

This is a google street view of the house. I made some silly changes in MS Paint, trying to show Chris my "vision"...I blacked out the address, because, duh... I also painted in the gas light that was in the yard. Eventually we want to get it restored from gas to electric...

Ha! I'm ridiculous... but the idea come across. We'll also be taking the bars off the windows, hate those things! Not just because they are ugly, but also because they are dangerous! Only ONE unlocks. Scary thought. We have an alarm system, so the house isn't totally unprotected. I'm so excited about doing projects!

Our first one is this old bookcase. It was custom built and was in desperate need of an overhaul! It's not 100% finished, but I will post the "after" photo once I get done!

We didn't mess with taking the scroll work off the desk. Those glass inserts are something to be deisred, huh? This will be a nice little nook in the den. We're keeping this room comfy and traditional. For this room, I have a wall hanging that we got as a Christmas gift from Chris's brother and sister in law that I am using as my 'inspiration'...

Pretty colors! We'll wind up spending most of our time in this room, watching TV and in the winter, enjoying the fireplace. The back patio door is also in this room so we'll have nice fall nights with an open door! Can't wait, so cozy!

Last night I went to Painting With A Twist for the first time! We were celebrating a church friend's pre-wedding festivities. Jordan, the bride, is the daughter of our Associate Minister. She'll be getting married on Sunday and I am so glad I was invited last night. My painting didn't turn out so well, but I had loads of fun! I can't believe how easy they make it.

Jennifer, Courtney, Me, and Jordan during a break!

The whole group, doing our silly pose!

My final result!

I hope one day I can plan a party or join in on other paintings they offer! Hopefully over time, I will get better too! I see about 30 I would love to do!

I'll be posting soon the final results of the bookcase! Bad weather is headed here tomorrow, let's hope there isn't too much damage. The tornadoes we had two weeks ago were so sad! Not something we expierence too often around DFW.

Have a good weekend!