I totally failed at Lent, as I am sure was evident from the lack of postings.

Nonetheless, I caved and broke the '40 days'... but funnily enough, I learned from it. I still drink sodas (and on some days, a lot more than I probably should) but I have slowed down some. I choose water or tea much more often, and if I've had a coke, I decide maybe I need something else. It also lost me about 15 pounds, which is nice! My jeans are a little looser and it's nice to randomnly step on a scale and see it stop, where it used to go right past.

During this time, we learned that Chris's grandmother had some medical issues following a procedure. Her body became very tired and sadly for us, she passed away. We drove to San Antonio the day they removed the machines and waited just a short time, until it was time for her to return Home. Her funeral was the following week and Chris wound up doing the entire service. He did very well and I know how very proud of him she would have been. I sure was proud to be his wife!

For Easter, I made several items that I had found on Pinterest. (I'm obsessed, I admit it.) They were all so fun to make and even cuter to look at!

Chocolate covered strawberries.... "carrots"

Festive Easter Deviled Eggs

Birds' Nest Treats-- sinfully yummy!

Then of course, we had to have an Easter Egg Hunt... in the rain! (I stayed on the porch because I've been oh-so-sick)...but it was really fun watching Caleb find all 40 eggs filled with Candy and some money too! The adults didn't have one like we did the past couple years. That's always hilarious!

We've also been busy working in the new house. We are in the process of moving into my grandmother's old home. There is still so much to do... garage sale, cleaning out and sorting, moving our stuff in and of course... making lots and lots of changes!

This is a google street view of the house. I made some silly changes in MS Paint, trying to show Chris my "vision"...I blacked out the address, because, duh... I also painted in the gas light that was in the yard. Eventually we want to get it restored from gas to electric...



Ha! I'm ridiculous... but the idea come across. We'll also be taking the bars off the windows, hate those things! Not just because they are ugly, but also because they are dangerous! Only ONE unlocks. Scary thought. We have an alarm system, so the house isn't totally unprotected. I'm so excited about doing projects!

Our first one is this old bookcase. It was custom built and was in desperate need of an overhaul! It's not 100% finished, but I will post the "after" photo once I get done!

We didn't mess with taking the scroll work off the desk. Those glass inserts are something to be deisred, huh? This will be a nice little nook in the den. We're keeping this room comfy and traditional. For this room, I have a wall hanging that we got as a Christmas gift from Chris's brother and sister in law that I am using as my 'inspiration'...

Pretty colors! We'll wind up spending most of our time in this room, watching TV and in the winter, enjoying the fireplace. The back patio door is also in this room so we'll have nice fall nights with an open door! Can't wait, so cozy!

Last night I went to Painting With A Twist for the first time! We were celebrating a church friend's pre-wedding festivities. Jordan, the bride, is the daughter of our Associate Minister. She'll be getting married on Sunday and I am so glad I was invited last night. My painting didn't turn out so well, but I had loads of fun! I can't believe how easy they make it.

Jennifer, Courtney, Me, and Jordan during a break!

The whole group, doing our silly pose!

My final result!

I hope one day I can plan a party or join in on other paintings they offer! Hopefully over time, I will get better too! I see about 30 I would love to do!

I'll be posting soon the final results of the bookcase! Bad weather is headed here tomorrow, let's hope there isn't too much damage. The tornadoes we had two weeks ago were so sad! Not something we expierence too often around DFW.

Have a good weekend!

40 Days

Last Wednesday was Ash Wednesday. I, of course, didn’t attend our service (got to get back to church)- but I so much wish I had. Last Lent, I was in a weird place… so I really didn’t do anything. As part of the Disciples of Christ denomination, we are very “lax”, if you will, and do not necessarily require anything ‘from you’ during this season. Many of us however, do give up something. This isn’t a Biblical mandate, as far as we see it. It’s not a penitence, but more of a sacrifice of self to allow more time to focus on God. Not in the way of sacrifice that many people perceive, but allowing yourself to become more focused during the weeks leading to Easter. It’s not a way of getting in “good with Him”- but learning to sacrifice something small, just as He sacrificed so very much for us. A lot of people do not agree with it. “Jesus gave His life, not sweets or Facebook” they may say, and that is fine too. A lot of people ADD something to their routines during these 40 days instead of giving something up. Perhaps writing a note to 40 people, one each day, thanking them for all they are and do for you. Lifting someone up is a great way to grow closer to our Lord and appreciate all He has given us!


In truth, we should have this mentality every single day of the year. It shouldn’t be something we do for 40 days and forget. But we all do. We get busy with work and worry, family, appointments, bills… that it’s so very easy to lose sight of Him. By recognizing the Lenten season, it’s a little “push”- to be grateful, to be humble, to be thankful. And maybe, just maybe, some of it will stick- more than it has in previous years. Maybe it will allow you to get into a routine and add that into your daily life. Perhaps you will begin a new structured prayer life with God, remember to pray for those you said you would, or focus on praise rather than needs. Maybe it’s a way for God to work in you to change something about yourself. The people who give up Facebook or Twitter? Maybe they spend too much time consumed with everyone else that they neglect their spouse or simply half listen while also gazing at check-ins and status updates. Perhaps you look at someone from your past with envy, browsing through photos of their new home, new car, or children. Do you think there is a way God can work in that life? By living without it for 40 days you show yourself that you DO have restraint. You have more time for conversation and looking around. You may see how very lucky you really are- even if you don’t have what others do or aren’t where you thought you would be in life.


For me…. I am giving up sodas. I’ve gained a lot of weight since being married and the amount of sodas I drink daily has increased significantly in the last several years. Doing the math, as embarrassed as I am to admit it, I probably drink a gallon of coke (or more) EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. My teeth are effected, my health. Enough is enough. Throughout Lent, I will be drinking juice, tea, and most of all… WATER. I’m allowing my body to rid itself of the soda, permitting my poor kidneys to take a breather. How do I grow closer to God from this? First of all, I am making a small step to take care of what God gave me. My temple. If I can curb this “addiction”… what will be the next thing I can tackle? Can I begin a good exercise routine? Cook at home instead of eating from a takeout bag? Perhaps I’ll quit smoking…



I do crave sodas. I’m a creature of habit. When I wake up, I want a Coke. When I eat Taco Bell, I want a Mountain Dew. When it’s Sonic’s Happy Hour, I want a Route 44 Vanilla Dr. Pepper. But as silly as it sounds, when I get an intense craving or even a headache from not getting my caffeine… I still my heart and ask God for just a little more will power. I thank him for my overall, good health. When I drive to work, I don’t leave early to get a drink anymore, but instead, take a moment to thank Him for the beautiful day, for waking me up, for all that I have. I have caught myself being more prayerful in recent days and it is absolutely refreshing!



A lot of churches say that you can have whatever you gave up for Lent on Sundays, because “those aren’t included in the 40 days.” I was dead set on not breaking my “streak”… I’d go the entire time, without cheating. But yesterday, I caved. You know what though? I was able to drink two small Cokes in moderation, over a long period of time. At a meal, I could have ordered a soda, but I got tea instead. I’m disappointed in myself- I caved when in a frustrating situation. So we’ll try for this week. I know I can do it.



One thing that got me thinking was this video I saw of Christian group, Selah. Their singer, Amy, gave a powerful testimony of her weight loss struggle and journey with self esteem. I felt myself nodding along and thinking. I realized I needed to quit asking God to help me lose weight or to give me more will power… but maybe, like Amy, ask Him to get me to a healthy place. The body He wants me to have. I believe he will answer me in His timing and that I have to try too. I know He never promised me that it would be easy or pain free. So to show myself and Him that I’m ‘ready’—I’m making a small step.

(The song is absolutely gorgeous by the way. You should watch it. Selah does a great job of covering this Whitney Houston song.)

And I think for me, and His timing, it all starts with Lent. I'll be updating off and on during this important season. A marker for me and maybe a little bit of accountability.

Oh, and I also weighed myself at the start. Let's see if I can get a couple pounds off by cutting out just this one thing!

DIY Gift Card Potter

Back when I was in probably in 4th Grade at a church VBS... we made homemade decorative pots for our moms.

Years later, while decorating a friend's classroom Western-style, I needed to make a very belated gift for her...

The above is what I came up with!

Start with some fabric of your choosing. You can mix different patterns or colors. Cut in deisgns, squares, or use special scissors to cut small pieces of fabric. I used pinking sheers for this project....

Back in 2008, when I made this... I had no idea what Mod Podge was, so I used a mixture of Elmer's glue and water. If you google or search Pinterest for homemade Mod Podge, they'll give you the directions to make your own using the same two products! (It's 50/50 water and glue.) So much cheaper!

Put a thin layer of your glue down on a plain, terracotta pot using a foam brush or paint brush. Start putting down your fabric piece by piece onto the pot. I placed mine "whopperjawed"... cocked a bit to the side and placing where it looked good and where it would fit. As you go along, use the glue and paint the edges down and smooth out bubbles.

I put on a thick layer, so it was harder to the touch once dry.

I found the letters at Hobby Lobby. They are the fabric backed letters, used for normally, ironing on to tees, etc... glue these down as you would the fabric.

Let dry overnight or until clear and no longer tacky to the touch.

Fill with whatever you like! For hers, I used some straw and silk flowers on top of a block of foam in the pot. I purchased gift cards in $10 amounts to some places I knew she would like. I'd recommend just using sticks with a glue dot to hold them up. Here, I used the plastic card holders you find in flower arrangements, but I broke a couple and they didn't hold like I had hoped...

You could use this for candy or cookie bouqets, a plant, office supplies, and so much more! Make a cuute decoration for later too!

The most expensive part is the gift cards!

First Craft Project in Ages!

I didn't do step by step photos since this was my first project, but I can't wait to do more!

Thanks to my Sister-in-Law Amy for getting me the materials to make this! I probably never would have done it on my own and I enjoyed it so very much!

To make your own, it's simple...

You need a wreath, foam or straw (I left the plastic wrap on the straw wreath) and wrap the yarn around in whatever design you wish. It does take a bit of time... especially for someone as impatient as me!

For flowers, I typed in "felt flower tutorials" in google and in youtube. I tried a few of my own while watching and learning!

I found the 'H' at Michael's and just painted it with grey and yellow.

I'm obesessed with Yellow and Grey right now and I love, love, love buttons!

Can't wait to change the theme of my kitchen and hang this in there!

I see a few flaws that I wish I had fixed, but overall, I love it! What a fun project!



It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year?

I've never been the best blogger. This year, specifically though, I've not had time to live my life... much less write about it.

As 2011 is about to close, I look back on the past year and simply... sigh.

Nothing major has happened really. In comparison to so many others' lives, we've had a great year actually. But, I'm tired.

I was an overachiever in high school, so I don't know why I am shocked at the following statement.... but, I'm a work-a-holic. I slacked off majorly in college, so much so, I didn't finish it and to be honest, that carried over into my first couple of jobs. In the past four years though... that's all I know how to do. I'm a secretary, you wouldn't think I would be so OCD about my job. No matter how hard I try to get ahead and make things "perfect"... I never am and they never are.

So with budget cuts and a new year... hello 2012... I'm going to start living more!

The work will be there the next day. (I cringe as I say that.)

I will work my allotted 30 hours, go in January 2nd at 9:00 am... and leave at 3:00 pm on the dot. (Panic attack is setting in right now. But what if you aren't done? What if you have a newsletter to finish up or an email to answer?) I'll stick to that all the way until Friday and then, enjoy my weekend. I'll start again the following week.... and so on.

What is that like exactly? Not finishing up on Saturday or working until 8 pm on something? I vow to come home to my husband and not make him come up there with me "because after all, he has stuff HE could be doing too."

We live on Duke Circle. Not at the church.

I'm not complaining mind you. We do it to ourselves. But things have to change. So often, we tend to dred certain projects or outings or duties, purely because we have spent so much time on church stuff already. I'm so burnt out, being the secretary, being a church member, on this or that committee, and being the Youth Minister's wife.

It hit me that in a few days, I'll be 27. Chris and I have spent our marriage (almost 6 years now) dealing with family or friend happenings, mostly worrying about bills or arguing about money, working and doing for others before ourselves.

I'm done with that... for awhile. I don't want to consume myself with selfishness, but don't we deserve it... just a little?

Back in August, events transpired that have left me brokenhearted and down in Spirit. I still am and find new reasons daily to remain that way, though oftentimes too, there are equally as many reasons as to feel better about it all.

We all know the bad outweighs to good, in most instances. I am hurt to the core, I am angry, I am confused. I'm figuring people out and being shocked by others.

One thing I can say however.... we'll make it. I have so much faith remaining in the good of people, in that the truth and the security that'll things happen for a reason, and most of all, I have the promise of God's backing in all things. I try and remember that when things still get ugly.

We all small, but we are mighty. What a blessing!

Between finances, stress, feeling bad, Chris quitting his job, no insurance, car troubles, change after change, and on top if at all, my depression showing it's ugly face over and over again... I've hard more dark days than bright. Days when I think, 'it'll never get better.' I'm still in that mode now... to a point.

I have zero Christmas Spirit this year. In fact, I've turned off my usual Christmas station numerous times because the songs were annoying. Gasp!

But we all know Christmas isn't just about the gifts, the songs, the decorations (I have none up this year).... but instead, about our Savior's birth.

I've caught myself hearing stories of His birth, seeing a moving video or photo about the true meaning of Christmas and over and over...

I give thanks. I say "AMEN!" in my head and sometimes, out loud.

I've stuggled more than I have in my life with my faith this year and still do. It's SO huge. Especially now....

This baby.
Jesus Christ.
Was born... like so many other children are, every day...
But he was born for a purpose.
HE was born to save us.
To save me.
Later, he was persecuted.
and KILLED.
FOR ME.
He conquered death and rose from the grave.
Ascended into heaven to prepare a room.
FOR ME.
And when the world is no more,
(or at least my life)
HE is there waiting for me.
Seated beside our Father.
And I will live FOREVER.
In Him.

Doesn't that blow your mind?!?!

It's crazy actually.

It's so far-fetched, so not of this world. I can't even fathom it.

But it's the greatest truth there is.


....so maybe it IS the MOST wonderful time of the year after all.

Despite everything else... a baby changed everything.

Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, my Savior. Thank you, Lord!

Suddenly, I'm not quite as 'tired' as I was. :)

Overhaulin'

I really need to do better with this blog. Not that there is SO much going in my life that I feel like I need to post it, but nonetheless, I think I should do better.

So, with that... the blog is about to get a makeover!

To my multitude of non existant readers.... hang tight, I'll be back soon!

Maybe a goal of a post a week would do me good. Maybe one per month? Once quarterly?

Should old acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind?

It’s 2011 already? Where did the time go? In only two years, I will have been out of high school for ten. That blows my mind. It genuinely feels like yesterday. It feels like yesterday that I met my husband, Chris. It feels like yesterday that we got engaged, got married.


You know, folks keep telling me that once you hit 30, life goes by faster than you could ever imagine. I have four more years to go… and it already feels like a whirlwind. 2010 wasn’t the absolute worst year, but it certainly could have ended better.

Let’s face it. I’m not the ideal blogger. I tend to blog when things are on my heart. In the past months though, it seems too much is on my heart to even begin to write. I’ve spoken some of them aloud, some I’ve kept silent. I think I’m in a weird place, an odd growing up phase. You’ve probably been there… where you go through the motions and do what you have to do at that time, but in reality, the processing of it all doesn’t hit for a long time. And… when it does, it takes awhile for it to all click. I’m there, in a big way.

I’m reflective. Not just about 2010 in general, but about life, my life. Things I’ve done that I wish I could take back. Things others have said to me. The person who I have become (sometimes good, sometimes bad) and the person I want to be. The first couple days of the New Year, I was pumped. READY for a change, ready for a fresh start… but in reality, I’ve sunken back into a “eh, I’d rather curl up in a ball and be a hermit.”

I’m talking both literally and figuratively here.

November 22, 2010 brought a heartache in my life that I truly never really thought would be as bad as it was. My Maw Maw, my grandmother Rozell Miles, passed away that afternoon. I’ve not been around death tons in my life, so when it happens, I’m thrown. I had prepared myself a little, because I knew her 91 years would soon be coming to a close. Still, I was angry (with God), I was sad, I was confused, and I was joyful. That last emotion really made me think. Joyful? Yes.

Throughout her final time with us, she called out to Jesus. She called to our Lord to help her. We prayed with her as my husband knelt down beside her bed. She wanted to go Home.

I am joyful she entered into Heaven with a warm reception. She is no longer in pain. She received the most beautiful crown of glory. She no longer uses a walker. She is reunited with her parents, her sisters, her brother… her beloved Coleman, my grandfather.

I’ll be 100% honest with you. I took her for granted. I could have visited her much more than I did. I got annoyed when she was forgetful or snippy. I didn’t try and really learn from her. I was angry when she’d speak of other family with praise, when I knew what they were really like.

That all doesn’t matter now though. One thing I did learn after my Paw Paw Thorne passed away is that there is sense in living in the past, with regrets. Sure, it’s hard. Kind of late to change it now, huh? So I’m trying not to this time around. Instead, I will go on with my life, taking what I do of my Maw Maw. The way I remembered her. The lady I am discovering now. The one who has an old autograph book filled with loving friends and family… applauding her faith in God, writing silly poems, the grandmother who obviously wasn’t happy with someone when she scribbled out their note and name.

She wasn’t all too different than me in ways and I have a lot to learn from Rozell Miles. My years with her flew by, but her legacy will remain with me, forever. She is in that room that Jesus went to prepare for her… and I just know it is fabulous!

Here is my Maw Maw, Rozell (Tucker) Miles.

May 18th, 1919 – November 22nd, 2010

Wasn’t she beautiful? I love and miss you so much!

The year wasn’t all bad though. I landed my job here at the church and it has been such a blessing. I can’t begin to describe what a wonderful feeling it is to get out of bed (since I have to and all) and go to work and be, for the most part, happy about it. I get to be creative. I get to interact with great people. God answered my prayers in a big way!

Chris was recommended, accepted, and installed as a Youth Minister within our church. As with any ministry, he has his ups and downs… but truly, he is so wonderful at it. He loves doing it too. I never would have imagined the doors God has opened for him (and me) since we joined in January, two years ago.

 

We had good times with friends, good parties, good dinners…

(This is Chris and me at Halloween this year. He is Alan from The Hangover. I'm the Geico pig, Maxwell. I probably did go Weee, Weee, Weeeeee all the way home that night.)

(This is my best friend, Keri and her husband Ryan. Chris and I LOVE hanging out with these two!)

(This is the 2009 YMT Christmas Party from church. LOVE these folks!)

(This is another best friend, Sarah. This photo is old, but I love it! Her first fish ever and it was so small! Love this lady! Definitely good times!)

We welcomed our newest neice, Hudsyn, into the world by driving to Shreveport on our 4 year Anniversary!

(This is Hudsyn! Isn't she a total doll?)

I had a wonderful birthday and a wonderful Christmas. It’s funny how when you grown up you still want “toys” but they are more like appliances and household items. I love that this year was truly the first year that I was humbled by my parents and the gifts they gave us. It’s not the amount of presents they gave (which were entirely too many), it’s not even the specific items… but instead, the love and thoughtfulness put behind them. That part really got me this year. The Christmas Eve service was outstanding at church, Christmas morning at my Bambi’s was wonderful, even amid tension. My parents took me to Cheesecake Factory rather than Chili’s for my birthday dinner, and I was shocked with perfume…. Chanel No 5, which I have wanted for a long while.

(Loooooooove it!!!)

I participated this year in the 6th Annual Operation: Rowlett Reindeer. Throughout setup, collection, buying for my “angels”, helping interview a couple families, and finally, wrapping presents with the families on distribution night… I was touched. The families kept telling us what a blessing we were, when in all reality… it was them that blessed us. It’s amazing the response we get from the community, the donations, the help, the support. This ministry is so outstanding and certainly shows God’s hand in it all.

So… for 2011, I have high hopes. Higher hopes in fact. I’m not making resolutions, I never stick to them. Instead, I think I’ll have a to-do list… things I would hope to accomplish or change. If I don’t… there’s always next year, right?



• I hope to begin eating better, cooking at home more.

• I hope to begin walking a minimum of two nights a week with my Fur-Babies and the hubs.

• I want to spend more time at home- enjoying my marriage.

• I want to speak kinder and have more patience.

• I want to take more photos and capture this life that is always in overdrive.

• I want to begin pulling ourselves out of debt.

• I want to get on the “baby-track”… fixing what needs to be fixed, so we can hopefully have a baby in a few years.

• I want to enjoy family more, take trips, make more calls.

• I want to cut loose ends and bad relationships. I want to be mindful however, to still pray for them.

• I want to grown closer in my walk with God. I want to read His word more and follow His path.

• I hope to keep my house, my car, my purse… more organized and cleaner!

• I want to judge less and love more.

• I want to come to terms with the ME I have become, flaws and all, and embrace her.



Wishing you the Happiest New Year around! I also hope to blog more… but we’ve seen how well that goes. I'll close with a few photos from Christmas this year

(Our tree!)

(Pretty fireplace! I love the rays of light!)

(The plant from my Maw Maw's funeral, repotted for me, by Chris!)

(Our table and buffett.)

(Another fireplace shot...with allllll the stockings!)

(Corner by the window, the REASON for the SEASON!)

(On top of the TV. The more glitter items, the better!)

(Just a few random things.)

(Hallway by our bedroom. Excuse the mud on the wall from the dog.)

(Entryway.)

(Entry table and the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree!)

(Meet me under the mistletoe!)

(We baked an excessive amount of cookies to fill gift tins.)

(Picture doesn't do the house justice, nor does the hideous car in front. Chris did so good!)

(I went overboard on the tortilla rolls at 3:00 a.m.)

(Christmas morning at Bambi's.)

(The adorable sugar cookies my cousin Stacy made. She is so talented!)

(We went to Scott & Amy's for New Years, here's Hud in the backseat, with my sunglasses on.)

(This is where we went New Years Day, so relaxing!)

(Lady Hud Bug on the swing!)

(Moondoggie went on his first -and last- roadtrip with us. He's helping Chris drive.)

(Sinatra was so glad Mommy was back home! He snuggled up and purred for a long time.)

(The boys resting. Duke was still at the vet, so they are enjoying a little peace and quiet.)

(Moondoggie the next morning. I couldn't bare to crate him that day!)

(THIS is what I still have to pack up. Ugh, anyone wanna' do it for me?)

AND let's remember....

Let's go Aggies! BTHO LSU!

 Whoohoo! Gig'em!!!

Until next time...

Unloading.

Honesty: the quality or fact of being honest; uprightness and fairness; truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness; freedom from deceit or fraud. (Honestly, this is going to be a long blog.)

Most people probably associate ‘honesty’ as telling someone else the truth. When you are little, you are told that you have to be honest. It’s the best policy, right? As you grow, there are those ‘little white lies’… you know, when your best friend gets a bad haircut and you “fib” just a tad, to spare feelings? Through a lot of soul searching lately, I have realized that oftentimes, I am not honest.

I’m honest in my job. I’m honest in my marriage. But am I honest with myself? More importantly, am I honest with God? How can I not be honest with the Lord, the Master, the King who knows ALL?

I don’t think anyone really reads this blog and that is fine. I need to lay some things out there. If you do read, here is the biggest dose of honesty from me, about me.

 I’m not perfect. I know, I know… no one is, right? There is something though, inside of me that has always wanted to be perfect, or as close as possible. I had visions of being the perfect wife, with adorable, well behaved, smart, talented children. I’d balance a career, making tons of money and home life. I’d be the great room mom, staying up all night making the cute goody bags and cupcakes. Everyone could call on me, because I was the best at it all. I wouldn’t take stuff from people and could stand up for myself.  Did I mention I’d be thin and gorgeous too? I’d have a new car, nice clothes, always wear heels, brand new home my husband and I designed, and take fabulous vacations. I’d inspire people with my faith and rarely doubt.

REAL LIFE: I rarely fix my hair past a pony tail or bun, I never wear heels (anymore), we are renting a duplex, we usually eat fast food, I messed up college, have some medical issues, Chris’s truck needs work, I drive a station wagon, I’m too impatient to make cute cupcakes for anyone, my house is a mess, I’m certainly not the best at anything, I’m overweight, I smoke, have thousands of dollars in debt, I’m a pushover, don’t know how to manage our money, haven’t been on a vacation (even to Galveston) in years, my uterus hates me and so far, I can’t have kids, and I waiver often in my faith.

While I have never have been diagnosed, primarily because I refuse to see someone about it, I struggle with depression. I can feel it coming on usually or maybe an instance will trigger it. Nonetheless, I have been in depression mode lately. Putting pen to paper, figuring out to pay this bill or that, trying on a shirt that shrunk in the dryer, taking a pregnancy test partly excited it was negative because there is NO way we could afford it and partly sad, because it means that we may never be able to have a baby. Feeling depressed because I felt called to help with Children’s Choir at church and I don’t know how to control them enough to even get them to practice- and what that ‘call’ meant. Being jealous, envious, and resentful. Questioning God.

This used not to be me. It IS who I have become.

So what do you do?

Let me say that my life isn’t that bad. I know that. Sometimes, life though, gets in the way. It clouds your view of the big picture. Pressures, family, illness, doubts, bills… LIFE.

I over think things. Am I doing enough for the Lord? Maybe I am telling myself I love Him, but do I really? I’ve rarely had an overwhelming “He told me to do this” or “I felt His presence” feeling. So what does that mean?

It simply means… keep on trudging along.

I can do that too, because deep down, behind the depression, I know that HE is with me! You know what all He tells me?

• He tells me I am NOT perfect. He tells me I NEVER will be. No one, but our Lord, Jesus Christ is or was.
• He tells me that He is walking with me, holding me, nudging me, forgiving me.
• He tells me that we created a lot of our own problems, no one else. It is up to us to fix them.
• He also adds that it is not His job to magically take them away, but yet He will see me through with His grace.
• He lets me know that no matter how often I turn away, He is still waiting there for me, arms outstretched.
• He tells me that I need to trust HIM. He will provide for me. He promises me eternity.
• He reminds me that all the answers are in His Book. Sometimes, in prayer, His answer may be no.
• He tells me that I am not stupid, or ugly, or worthless… but a beautiful Bride in Christ.
• He lets me know that He is all knowing and that He knows everything thought, hurt, worry in my head.
• He says not “to worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.”
• He tells me to ‘make disciples of all nations’.
• He explains that ‘love is patient, love is kind’ and ‘keeps no records of wrongs’.

How GREAT is our God? I know that I can change our lives, but what took years to do, may also take years to amend. I know that I am not perfect and never will be. I’m just Erika. I’m the girl who:

• Sings in the shower and the car.
• Loves all furry animals and more specifically, llamas.
• Watches way too many Disney movies than a 26 year old should.
• Has PCOS. There is no cure. It can be managed. It is a battle scar.
• Will try and overcome PCOS and have an armful of happy, healthy babies.
• Has a wonderful husband and often takes him for granted.
• Was spoiled as a child (still am) but appreciates and loves my parents and family more each day.
• Will pray for you, care and love you.
• Says she will keep up with a blog regularly, but never does.
• Always spills something on my clothes. Especially white.
• Will normally choose to watch sitcom reruns of the 50’s-80’s before anything else.
• Usually thinks I’m right, but will admit when I am wrong.
• Allows people to walk all over her, but is trying to get better at defining who I am and standing up for myself.
• Always drops popcorn down my shirt at the movies.
• Has tried to come to term with my nose, but still wants a nose job.
• Thinks elderly people look like turtles.
• May have questions or doubts, but at the end of it all, relies fully on the Lord, God Almighty.

I’ve had Pandora on today, listening to the Contemporary Christian station. Between writing this and hearing these amazing songs of praise… I feel awesome. Goes to show how things can turn around. They take time. Life isn’t easy, or perfect.

But you know what?

It’ll all work out. Truly, it will.

Even better?

They’ll all work out for the best. Work out for the will of God, who will never leave or forsake you.

The catch?

It’ll be in HIS time, not yours.

….and I’m okay with that, because I trust… I love… I pray… I praise… I will be humble… I will live for the Lord.

(Even if sometimes I falter… He will pick me up.) I’ll be honest. I’ll trudge along. I’ll rejoice!