You know, folks keep telling me that once you hit 30, life goes by faster than you could ever imagine. I have four more years to go… and it already feels like a whirlwind. 2010 wasn’t the absolute worst year, but it certainly could have ended better.
Let’s face it. I’m not the ideal blogger. I tend to blog when things are on my heart. In the past months though, it seems too much is on my heart to even begin to write. I’ve spoken some of them aloud, some I’ve kept silent. I think I’m in a weird place, an odd growing up phase. You’ve probably been there… where you go through the motions and do what you have to do at that time, but in reality, the processing of it all doesn’t hit for a long time. And… when it does, it takes awhile for it to all click. I’m there, in a big way.
I’m reflective. Not just about 2010 in general, but about life, my life. Things I’ve done that I wish I could take back. Things others have said to me. The person who I have become (sometimes good, sometimes bad) and the person I want to be. The first couple days of the New Year, I was pumped. READY for a change, ready for a fresh start… but in reality, I’ve sunken back into a “eh, I’d rather curl up in a ball and be a hermit.”
I’m talking both literally and figuratively here.
November 22, 2010 brought a heartache in my life that I truly never really thought would be as bad as it was. My Maw Maw, my grandmother Rozell Miles, passed away that afternoon. I’ve not been around death tons in my life, so when it happens, I’m thrown. I had prepared myself a little, because I knew her 91 years would soon be coming to a close. Still, I was angry (with God), I was sad, I was confused, and I was joyful. That last emotion really made me think. Joyful? Yes.
Throughout her final time with us, she called out to Jesus. She called to our Lord to help her. We prayed with her as my husband knelt down beside her bed. She wanted to go Home.
I am joyful she entered into Heaven with a warm reception. She is no longer in pain. She received the most beautiful crown of glory. She no longer uses a walker. She is reunited with her parents, her sisters, her brother… her beloved Coleman, my grandfather.
I’ll be 100% honest with you. I took her for granted. I could have visited her much more than I did. I got annoyed when she was forgetful or snippy. I didn’t try and really learn from her. I was angry when she’d speak of other family with praise, when I knew what they were really like.
That all doesn’t matter now though. One thing I did learn after my Paw Paw Thorne passed away is that there is sense in living in the past, with regrets. Sure, it’s hard. Kind of late to change it now, huh? So I’m trying not to this time around. Instead, I will go on with my life, taking what I do of my Maw Maw. The way I remembered her. The lady I am discovering now. The one who has an old autograph book filled with loving friends and family… applauding her faith in God, writing silly poems, the grandmother who obviously wasn’t happy with someone when she scribbled out their note and name.
She wasn’t all too different than me in ways and I have a lot to learn from Rozell Miles. My years with her flew by, but her legacy will remain with me, forever. She is in that room that Jesus went to prepare for her… and I just know it is fabulous!
Here is my Maw Maw, Rozell (Tucker) Miles.
May 18th, 1919 – November 22nd, 2010
Wasn’t she beautiful? I love and miss you so much!
The year wasn’t all bad though. I landed my job here at the church and it has been such a blessing. I can’t begin to describe what a wonderful feeling it is to get out of bed (since I have to and all) and go to work and be, for the most part, happy about it. I get to be creative. I get to interact with great people. God answered my prayers in a big way!
Chris was recommended, accepted, and installed as a Youth Minister within our church. As with any ministry, he has his ups and downs… but truly, he is so wonderful at it. He loves doing it too. I never would have imagined the doors God has opened for him (and me) since we joined in January, two years ago.
We had good times with friends, good parties, good dinners…
(This is Chris and me at Halloween this year. He is Alan from The Hangover. I'm the Geico pig, Maxwell. I probably did go Weee, Weee, Weeeeee all the way home that night.)
(This is my best friend, Keri and her husband Ryan. Chris and I LOVE hanging out with these two!)
(This is the 2009 YMT Christmas Party from church. LOVE these folks!)
(This is another best friend, Sarah. This photo is old, but I love it! Her first fish ever and it was so small! Love this lady! Definitely good times!)
We welcomed our newest neice, Hudsyn, into the world by driving to Shreveport on our 4 year Anniversary!
(This is Hudsyn! Isn't she a total doll?)
I had a wonderful birthday and a wonderful Christmas. It’s funny how when you grown up you still want “toys” but they are more like appliances and household items. I love that this year was truly the first year that I was humbled by my parents and the gifts they gave us. It’s not the amount of presents they gave (which were entirely too many), it’s not even the specific items… but instead, the love and thoughtfulness put behind them. That part really got me this year. The Christmas Eve service was outstanding at church, Christmas morning at my Bambi’s was wonderful, even amid tension. My parents took me to Cheesecake Factory rather than Chili’s for my birthday dinner, and I was shocked with perfume…. Chanel No 5, which I have wanted for a long while.
(Loooooooove it!!!)I participated this year in the 6th Annual Operation: Rowlett Reindeer. Throughout setup, collection, buying for my “angels”, helping interview a couple families, and finally, wrapping presents with the families on distribution night… I was touched. The families kept telling us what a blessing we were, when in all reality… it was them that blessed us. It’s amazing the response we get from the community, the donations, the help, the support. This ministry is so outstanding and certainly shows God’s hand in it all.
So… for 2011, I have high hopes. Higher hopes in fact. I’m not making resolutions, I never stick to them. Instead, I think I’ll have a to-do list… things I would hope to accomplish or change. If I don’t… there’s always next year, right?
• I hope to begin eating better, cooking at home more.
• I hope to begin walking a minimum of two nights a week with my Fur-Babies and the hubs.
• I want to spend more time at home- enjoying my marriage.
• I want to speak kinder and have more patience.
• I want to take more photos and capture this life that is always in overdrive.
• I want to begin pulling ourselves out of debt.
• I want to get on the “baby-track”… fixing what needs to be fixed, so we can hopefully have a baby in a few years.
• I want to enjoy family more, take trips, make more calls.
• I want to cut loose ends and bad relationships. I want to be mindful however, to still pray for them.
• I want to grown closer in my walk with God. I want to read His word more and follow His path.
• I hope to keep my house, my car, my purse… more organized and cleaner!
• I want to judge less and love more.
• I want to come to terms with the ME I have become, flaws and all, and embrace her.
Wishing you the Happiest New Year around! I also hope to blog more… but we’ve seen how well that goes. I'll close with a few photos from Christmas this year
(Pretty fireplace! I love the rays of light!)
(The plant from my Maw Maw's funeral, repotted for me, by Chris!)
(Our table and buffett.)
(Another fireplace shot...with allllll the stockings!)
(Corner by the window, the REASON for the SEASON!)
(On top of the TV. The more glitter items, the better!)
(Just a few random things.)
(Hallway by our bedroom. Excuse the mud on the wall from the dog.)
(Entry table and the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree!)
(Meet me under the mistletoe!)
(We baked an excessive amount of cookies to fill gift tins.)
(Picture doesn't do the house justice, nor does the hideous car in front. Chris did so good!)
(I went overboard on the tortilla rolls at 3:00 a.m.)
(Christmas morning at Bambi's.)
(The adorable sugar cookies my cousin Stacy made. She is so talented!)
(We went to Scott & Amy's for New Years, here's Hud in the backseat, with my sunglasses on.)
(This is where we went New Years Day, so relaxing!)
(Lady Hud Bug on the swing!)
(Moondoggie went on his first -and last- roadtrip with us. He's helping Chris drive.)
(Sinatra was so glad Mommy was back home! He snuggled up and purred for a long time.)
(The boys resting. Duke was still at the vet, so they are enjoying a little peace and quiet.)
(Moondoggie the next morning. I couldn't bare to crate him that day!)
(THIS is what I still have to pack up. Ugh, anyone wanna' do it for me?)
AND let's remember....
Let's go Aggies! BTHO LSU!
Until next time...